I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
