Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
