No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
