She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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