he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
