if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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