im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
