hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
