she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
