oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
