talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
