remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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