i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
