Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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