Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
