he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
sex in a hospital.. check
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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