i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize