She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
