They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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