it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
