Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
