he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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