you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
