Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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