my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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