A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
