I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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