Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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