and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
