Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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