He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
