When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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