So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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