my mouth tastes like poor choices
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
