Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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