the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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