thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
