You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
