Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
