Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
