brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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