I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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