Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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