One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I understand Curling. That high.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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