Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
