So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
