I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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