This show inspires me to have sex in space
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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