The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
