I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
