Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
