Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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