Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
