She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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