remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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