You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
