now i know why i became what i already was.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
