I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
