whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
