I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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