He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
