Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
