I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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