so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
only if we run a train.
done.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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