That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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