So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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