The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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