Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
