Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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