lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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