mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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