hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
